Funerals are one type of event no one wants to think about. Yet, they are a reality of life. It is an opportunity for you to remember the person who has died.
While it may not be the first thing on your mind, dressing appropriately for a funeral is a necessary and meaningful gesture of respect for the deceased and their family. Get the dress etiquette wrong, and no one will forget. We all know that black is the traditional color for mourning, but it is more complicated than that.
Our guide takes an in-depth look at what to wear to a funeral for both men and women. When the time comes that you have one to attend, you’ll know what to wear.
What Is Not Okay to Wear to a Funeral?
Funeral attire etiquette is easy to understand.
The rule of thumb with funerals is to dress conservatively and not to draw attention to yourself. You’re mourning the loss of someone in your life and attending as a mark of respect.
The day isn’t about you showing off your newest pair of Louboutins to the world. It’s best to dress understated for such a sad occasion.
The etiquette for funeral attire is generally the same for both men and women (Credit: WENN)
You’ll often spot women wearing hats and black veils when we see funerals on TV. If you decide to wear one, keep it understated and simple. Avoid floppy hats or anything too over the top.
A simple black hat with a veil from Gigi Burris should add a hint of sophistication to your funeral look
Funeral attire etiquette demands that you don’t draw unnecessary attention to yourself. After all, the day is not for you.
Both men and women should wear minimalistic accessories. Keep your jewelry simple with either silver or gold pieces. Swap hoop earrings for simple studs, and add cufflinks to your shirt.
Finish your dress shirt with round mother-of-pearl cuff links
You want to make sure that any jewelry you wear is quiet. The last thing you want is for a stack of noisy bracelets to jiggle during a silent moment. Speaking of accessories, leave baseball caps at home.
Add just the right amount of sparkle with these Jennifer Meyer stud earrings
If you must take a handbag, don’t bring one covered in a monogram logo. You want your outfit to be understated and sophisticated in every aspect – from head to toe, including accessories.
Carry your essentials in an understated, minimalist handbag like the Tory Burch Kira
Another minimalistic aspect of your look should be your hair and makeup. A natural look is always best. Avoid dramatic smoky eye makeup and statement hairstyles.
If you think you might cry during the ceremony, wear waterproof mascara and have tissues on hand.
Be ready for anything with this waterproof and cry-proof mascara from Dior
Jeans are not appropriate for either men or women. You want to wear formal trousers, a suit or a pantsuit. Try to wear a tailored pair that is one solid color.
While perfume may seem like a small detail, it’s crucial to consider the potential impact on others, as it can trigger allergies and cause distraction during a ceremony.
Funeral attire etiquette may vary depending on the religion, so it’s crucial to research beforehand if you’re attending a service for someone of a different faith. Take the time to understand any unique requirements for clothing or accessories.
Does their place of worship require women to cover their heads before entering? You want to make sure you’re also following the attire etiquette for the church you’re attending.
You’ll never go wrong with a black pants suit like this pre-tailored Dockers suit set
If your child is coming with you, the etiquette rules will be the same for them. However, depending on their age, you usually want to prioritize their comfort. While an adult can’t wear shorts in summer, a child can.
It’s important to consider the individual whose funeral you’re attending, especially if they had a particular style or preference for formal dress. The ceremony may reflect their taste and values.
If the person was someone with standing in the community that brings extra attention to the day, you want to choose a more formal outfit to reflect that fact.
What Color Is Forbidden at a Funeral?
We often assume that you have to wear head-to-toe black to a funeral. For generations, you would have to wear black long after the funeral. The etiquette is no longer as strict, but black is still the most common color.
While black is the norm, any conservative color will do. In some scenarios, the family may ask guests to wear a specific color that means something to them.
These cases are few and far between, and you’ll be told about the color choice in advance.
Conservative, closed-toed shoes in black are your safest choice for a funeral (Credit: Kollawat Somsri / Shutterstock)
Other colors you could consider instead of black are navy blue and charcoal. You want to choose a solid color; your outfit should help you blend in with the mourners. A print will make you stand out like a sore thumb.
As we mentioned, there are a few occasions when the deceased’s family may ask you to wear a specific color. This decision is usually a request at the funerals of children or those who die of a long-term illness.
They are a rare occurrence. If the family asks you to wear pink, choose a muted shade and make sure it’s not a print. Wear the color as a solid piece or a separate garment.
Seasonal Changes
You’ll want to keep the weather in mind when putting together your outfit. Most funerals take several hours, including the burial and any reception afterward. You want to be comfortable while still being dressed appropriately.
Here are a few points to keep in mind for summer funerals:
If the funeral happens inside a church, you want to ensure your shoulders are covered. Even if temperatures are at a record high, it’s not appropriate to be wearing a sleeveless top.
Add a lightweight cardigan or wrap a loose shawl around your shoulders for the duration of the service.
A lightweight cardigan should help keep your look modest during the service
When the temperature drops and you must wear a coat to a funeral, choose a formal option. Avoid hiking jackets, and other casual styles, at all costs.
Your outfit must show that you are paying respect and took time and effort to get ready.
Layer this Ralph Lauren coat over your outfit in case the temperature drops
Be prepared for any weather if the funeral involves an inside service and an outside burial. Take an umbrella with you, preferably a full-length one that you can use to offer shelter to you and other guests.
Avoid bringing any with tacky logos and instead choose a simple, minimalistic one.
Likewise, you’ll want to ensure you have a pair of sunglasses if the sun blinds you during the burial. The same rules apply to sunglasses.
Choose a simple black or tortoiseshell pair with minimal logos or hardware. Avoid wearing your vacation sunglasses with their ombre lenses or glitter-embossed frames.
For funerals during winter, you will want to consider these points:
As tempting as it might be to layer up during a cold day, it rarely works for funerals. You’ll spend at least an hour and a half inside a church.
Not only will you be sitting next to dozens (or even hundreds!) of people, but the church will also probably already have its heating on.
If you’re wearing too many layers, you could start to sweat. Choose easily removable layers, like a scarf.
All Saints’ cardigan scarf is a comfortable and stylish way to wear a cardigan
Remember that you will be going from a warm church to a cold cemetery. Make sure to bring along a pair of gloves that you can stick in your coat pocket.
The same rules apply to your gloves as the rest of your accessories. Choose a style like black faux leather and avoid vibrant colors.
Make sure to wear a simple pair of gloves when you’re out in the cold
The Best Dresses and Shoes for Women
You don’t have to run out and buy a new outfit for a funeral. For most people, shopping will be the last thing on their minds. You likely have everything you need already in your closet.
Dress respectfully and conservatively in this modest knee-length Carolina Herrera shirt dress
When choosing a dress, you want a modest length and cut. A funeral is not a place to show off your cleavage or legs. When in doubt, choose an a-line dress that falls to your knees.
For a cheaper alternative, go with the Finley pinstripe shirtdress
If you don’t have a dress with an appropriate neckline in the right color, consider adding a camisole underneath to cover your chest.
If a dress isn’t your preferred choice, you still have options. While jeans are a no-go, you can wear a pantsuit in a neutral color palette. A black pantsuit will always look best.
The Tahari ASL pantsuit would make a great alternative to dresses
You can also assemble a makeshift three-piece suit with a blouse, skirt, and blazer. Any skirt will work if it falls to at least your knee. You could wear a pleated midi-skirt or a knee-length pencil skirt. What matters is the color and fabric.
A black skirt suit like Marycrafts’ is also perfect for funerals
While reaching for a pair of court shoes for a funeral might be tempting, you have to consider the set-up. If there’s an outside burial involved, you may need to walk across the grass.
Choose a pair of flat shoes or a pair with a block heel if you need height. Stay away from strappy heels or anything that resembles what you would wear to a nightclub.
Dress appropriately and comfortably with these Bernardo Ballet flats
Speaking of shoes, open-toe, and peep-toe shoes are a no. You also want to avoid sky-high stilettos or heels with oversized platforms. Consider the type of shoes you would wear for a job interview, as this is usually an appropriate place to start.
The Best Suits and Shoes for Men
For men, the general rule is a black suit. You could also wear a pair of tailored trousers and a blazer. You don’t have to wear a Saville row suit, but you want to show your respects.
Wearing a neat, tailored black suit like the Perry Ellis suit set is a general rule for men
Forget about a t-shirt and wear a traditional shirt instead. You want to wear something similar to what you would wear for a job interview or a formal meeting.
You may opt for a simple solid dress shirt to create a formal look
When you’re choosing a tie, avoid anything with a vibrant print. Choosing one that matches your suit or is in a neutral color is best.
Add a tie pin to keep it all together. You want to ensure you button your shirt the whole way to the neck and wear your tie correctly.
Don’t forget to add a simple tie that would match your suit or shirt
If you have a visible tattoo, it’s usually a good idea to cover it up. Some religions might oppose such a piece of art, and you don’t want to draw unnecessary attention to yourself.
You will want to add a belt to your trousers and avoid anything with a logo belt. A funeral is not the time to show off your hype beast ultra-ego.
Keep your belt simple and understated like this Perry Ellis reversible belt
You must also leave your sneakers at home and wear a pair of dress shoes. The day before the funeral, take the time to shine your shoes.
Finish off your look with these affordable yet classy Bruno Marc dress shoes
Whatever type of outfit you choose, make sure to add a jacket or blazer on top. If it fits you properly, button it up for a tailored look.
When you are putting your outfit together, think of something that your office would class as ‘business casual’ or what you might think of as your ‘Sunday best.’
Adding a blazer or a jacket should put your funeral look together
If you have never attended a funeral or are attending one held in another religious institution, it’s okay to ask for advice. You could ask them directly, depending on how well you know the family.
If you’re not close to the family, the funeral director’s name will usually be included in public notices. They will be more than willing to help.
While this article is written with a funeral in mind, the same rules apply to a memorial service, wake, or celebration of life. We hope this guide makes choosing your outfit a little easier.
You want to keep it as simple and understated as possible. The day isn’t about you. It’s about the person you care for who has left this life.
Consider the essential rules of not drawing attention to yourself and wearing a conservative outfit you would wear to a job interview.